There it is again – the twinge in my gut, the tightness in my chest. The dull ache that can’t be soothed, a gentle sadness during this most joyous time of year.
It’s a sense of longing, whose source I cannot identify. A yearning deep within for…what? There’s an empty hole in my soul, seeking to be filled. What is it that will still the turmoil? The simpler times of childhood Christmases? I reach into the foggy mist of Christmases past, grasping for a long ago memory to settle the upheaval.
My heart wants to be filled with the awe and wonder that would come each Christmas morning as we peeked under the tree…with each Christmas service singing Silent Night, Holy Night. My heart wants to be filled with traditions past, that are passed no more. The wooden bowl full of nuts; the smell of fresh tangerines; the huge peppermint stick, broken into pieces and meted out one small chunk at a time.
Is this hole in my soul, this hurt…is it for the Christmas traditions long forgotten? Or for the memories so precious? This nostalgia always brings an ache. And rightly so. Nostalgia is from the Greek “nostos”, homecoming, and “algos”, pain.
The pain of homecoming. Only to find the house vacant. Life changes. Divorce leaves holes, death leaves empty spaces. Life’s circumstances leave ragged edges like wrapping paper torn and tossed. This longing that pierces me: is it a longing for all the “should haves?” I should have tried harder…I should have visited more often. Is my soul subconsciously grieving for opportunities lost?
“…they meant to reassure themselves that nothing now was really changed, that things were as they always had been, and as they always would be, forever and ever, amen. But they were wrong. They did not know that you can’t go home again.” Thomas Wolfe, You Can’t Go Home Again.
It’s good to remember the past, to learn from it, to have fond memories. But to camp there, pining away for what is no more, is to waste precious time of the here and now…the time to make new memories and begin new traditions. At some point, it’s time to turn and move forward.
But the Lord says, “Do not cling to events of the past or dwell on what happened long ago. Watch for the new thing I am going to do. It is happening already—you can see it now! I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there.”
Isaiah 43:18-19 (GNT)
And so this year, I will remember Christmas Past with great fondness. But I will live in Christmas Present, the here and now, looking up in anticipation of Christ’s birth. Waiting. For. Him.
My emptiness is a longing “for Jesus, who makes precisely what none of us can but all of us want: Christmas.” (Ann Voskamp, The Greatest Gift)
This year, I will dwell on Jesus. I will ponder the miracle of His birth. Will you join me?
Merry Christmas!
Linking up with these lovely writers:
Kelly Ballarie – Purposeful Faith
Barbie Swihart – The Weekend Brew
Holley Gerth – Coffee for You Heart
Hazel Moon – Tell Me a True Story
Holly Barrett – Testimony Tuesday
Jennifer Dukes Lee – Tell His Story
I’m right there with you, Ellen! May the Lord fill us with wonder all over again!
Amen Sabra! Thanks for stopping by!
Unfortunately, I know exactly what you are talking about. Thank you for pointing me to scripture that will point and your touching article.
Thank you Mary, for stopping by! This longing is a hard thing, isn’t it? But we have the hope of our heavenly home to look forward to! Thanks for stopping by!
I was just looking at old photos tonight at our annual Christmas dinner with my dad’s family. I sure miss him and my grandparents. The longing and the emptiness is there – a wish to see them again. I know this is a hard time of year for you with your mom no longer here. I’m glad you are able to begin to enjoy with anticipation the season again.
Merry Christmas friend!
Merry Christmas Carmen! I believe there will always be a longing, until I am home.
I also feel a sense of longing, a deep yearning for someone who will no longer be present for the holidays with my family. I love how you are going to anticipate joy which is what I am striving to do too. Christmas blessings and thank you for linking up with The Weekend Brew.
Thank you Mary, for stopping by. I pray God’s peace on you this Christmas season!
This is beautiful. I’ve been asking God to fill me with wonder this season of Advent, and He is opening my eyes to so much. So glad you linked up with The Weekend Brew!
Barbie, I so so love how He answers those little prayers of ours to see more of Him. I love how He opens our eyes! Thanks so much for your link up, I’m enjoying it!
This is so touching, Ellen. I identify with your soul yearnings. Thank you for reminding me of this verse that was long ago such a special comfort to me – “I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there.” It’s so good to reflect on it today. Longing with you for Jesus to fill the emptiness!
Amen Trudy! Thanks so much for visiting. We’re all just wandering through the wilderness here on earth. But the promised land is coming, and until then, He will make a road for us!
Exactly! We long for so much… You captured our hearts and you captured the heart of Christmas. Well Done Ellen! Your site looks amazing too. So glad you joined us today for the Cheerleading Link up!
Kelly, thanks for stopping by! You are such an encourager, it was an honor to be a part of your link up!
Very encouraging – thank you so much for sharing this wonderful insight 🙂
Thank you Ruth! And thanks so much for stopping by!
I love this verse you shared:
But the Lord says, “Do not cling to events of the past or dwell on what happened long ago. Watch for the new thing I am going to do. It is happening already—you can see it now! I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there.”
Isaiah 43:18-19 (GNT)
Thank you for your encouraging words and insight into God’s word.
Thanks Tammy! Thanks for visiting!
Christmas past has many memories, most good, but some not so good. The reason we celebrate Christmas must always be held in the forefront. Jesus came and his memories were not always good about the time he spent here on earth. Our Sad past has been buried, and we must not be guilty of digging up what has been done. Today is the day we can look at the face of Jesus and rejoice that he was willing to come to earth and accomplish all that was in the Father God’s plan. Thank you for sharing with us here at Tell me a Story.
Thanks Hazel!